There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
