Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
