8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
