I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it hurts more in the daytime
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
