She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is this like a preordered booty call?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
