i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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