so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
