your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
