Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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