Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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