so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
