I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
