the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
