Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
4 words: hood of his car
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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