im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
