who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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