he told me I talked like a deaf person
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
