hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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