It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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