Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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