It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
