I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
