what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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