I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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