Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
