i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
