just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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