Moan for me like Helen Keller
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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