The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
