So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
