So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
