I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
