This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
