what day is it and did you see me today?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
