Michael Bay diarrhea
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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