I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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