before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
