you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it was like eating out sand paper
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
