one two three fourrrrnication!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
found the other keg... it's in the tree
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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