Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
