shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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