Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
