True but thats because hes a fetus.
someone owes me an orgasm
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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