I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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