I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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