And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
