Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
