he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
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I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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