you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
