I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
