I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
