I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
