She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
