Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
