i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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