She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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