i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
