just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
