He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
