Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
