just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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