i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
