Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
