census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
