bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
