He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
