bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize