Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
