it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
