I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
