I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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