Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize