Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
