If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
