girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't turn off my feet"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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