Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
