this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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