I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
