I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize