Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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