Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
